A Jolt of Memory


“Shit! It’s 6 a.m.” I heard myself groaned it out as the alarm went off. I forgot that I had the alarm set on auto for the weekdays. I am use to working weekdays straight, forgetting that I had a change of schedule.

I slammed my hand down hard on the alarm and the room went silent. Ahh, silence. I toss and turned hoping to fall right back into that coma, going right back into a dream but the smell of dark roast coffee startled my nostril. Great! It must be the neighbors. Maybe I should stop in to say ‘Good morning and please feed me!’ Sorry, that was my stomach thinking and not my usual morning thought.

I rolled myself out of bed and straight for the kitchen. The early October morning did not impress me as I quickly stuff my foot into the worn out Spiderman slippers I had layed out under my bed. Don’t ask. I honestly do not know how they got there. I am not a big fan of Spiderman but hey, its comfortable and it is here, so I am going to make good use of it.

I started the Keurig coffee maker and slammed the door shut on a Hazelnut flavored cup. The smell of it woke me a bit. Just a bit. My brain was not as ready as I thought it would be as I grabbed my phone and aimed it at the television screen.

Why are you not turning on?! Urgh! Oh. Wait. Crap. I tossed it to the side and scrambled for the real remote under the toss pillow. I flipped the channel to anything that was making a lot of noise. Ok, news. Yes, you. You’re ok. I stood there paralyzed as the anchorman went on to report an overturned truck on highway 3 followed by some images of cars being held up in traffic while the crews were on clean up duty. Sucks to be you guys.

I went back to fixing my coffee when I heard keys jingled and the door popped open.

“You’re up early.” Tony said. Well, good morning to you too. I just shrugged.

“My alarm went off.” I didn’t think he caught that. He rushed into the bedroom and I heard him going through the closet for a change of clothes.

Tony Leronte is my live in boyfriend of 5 years. You’re probably wondering why he was just getting in at this hour of the day. Just a year ago, he found a new job working late nights doing security at some chemical facility a few hours out of town. The job pays him well and so he went with it. That was when things pretty much took a turn for the worst between us.

Let’s go a head and talk a little about this relationship we have here. Tony and I met when I was 25. We did not start on good terms and it was not love at first sight. I dig him because he was very straight forward with me and I to him. We met at a local bar when I lost my purse one drunken night and he ask me if I needed a ride home.

“Don’t worry. I won’t kill you.” He screamed at me through the open music.

“Trust me, you should be afraid of me!” I yelled back. I drew a smirk out of him. “You do know that this is the best time to take advantage of me.”

“But what if you cry rape?” He asked sarcastically.

“Then you would win in court because I am completely FUCKED UP!”

“No. I would still come off as the bad guy because you are completely FUCKED UP!”

I snatched his hands and lead him out of the door. “No you wouldn’t. I’m so messed up that even my lawyer would probably argue a losing battle.” We both laughed. “Now! Where the hell is your car?”

“Don’t you have to report your purse missing first?”

All of a sudden, I stood there trying to remember what I had in my purse. A few loose change and my ID. I hardly carry a credit card or anything when I am going out. “No need. There was nothing important in there.”

We started walking to the parking garage where I see a few people stumbling and hitting concrete harder than I would. I don’t think I was that drunk. I can hold my composure. We found his car sitting alone on that Friday night as the bar was letting out. It was already 2 a.m. and the curfews for the drunk and disorderly has been cast out. Time to go home suckers!

“Tony.” I heard him say.


He laughed at my reaction. “My name. It’s Tony.”

“Oh,” I slid myself in the passenger seat and shit the door. I watched him get in through the driver side. “Ya know. You’re pretty stupid for a rapist. They usually don’t introduce themselves.”

“That’s why I said I would definitely lose in court if you squeal.” We both laughed at the thought. I caught myself staring in blank space wondering what the hell was in my purse. Did I forget something important? Holy shit. My house keys. “So, you came here alone?”

“Alone?” I repeated, snapping out of my trance. “Oh yeah. I was here to meet someone and he ditched me.”

“WHAT?! Seriously?”

“No, jerk face. I came here to meet with some people but they left and I decided to play roulette with the bartender.” I paused. “Then he won. Boo.”

“You know, you’re pretty funny for a drunk girl who is going to get taken advantage of.”

“So you admit that you want to take advantage of me!” I took off my shoes.

“Seriously?” There was a fear in the tone of his voice. “I…”

I had to laugh. “My feet hurts. I had to let the pinky out to market. Now what were you thinking?”

I can see that he was trying to come up with something to say to erase the awkward moment. “Where do you live?”

I gave him the address but then remembering that I do not have my keys. I was trying to remember if I had a spare. I would hate to pay the landlord $25.00 to replace my key in the morning dressing the way I did. I had on a white dress that hung real low in the front, revealing my naval but enough fabric to cover both breast. The back droops down in a teasing way. I had my hair pinned up but it fell down below my shoulder by the end of the night. I can get that way once completely intoxicated. My body begins to burn up turning a lady into a stripper.

Twenty minutes into the ride, we finally arrived at the front of my apartment. I live on the first floor of a three story home. It was a rental and my landlord lives on the third floor. Most people would shy away from living so directly close to the owner of the building but for $500 a month with all utilities paid? Shit, why not! Plus I have my own entrance. Tony pulled up and had the car on park as we watched the trees whimper in the wind. The building was dark and hiding behind a line of bush and tall trees.

“This is you?” He ask.

“This is me.” I was stalling to get out, trying to remember if I left any door unlock or any windows open. It was June and I usually do leave things unlock for natural air. Besides, I live in a very safe neighborhood and my landlord is always home. $500 a month, private entry, and security all in one? Gyeaa baby. “Well, I guess I should say thank you.” I tried to break out a smile. He notice it and just laughed.

“Are you always this silly?”

“Am I silly?”

He leaned over and kiss me but I pulled back. “Are you looking for a tip? You’ll never find one in there.” I got out of the car but before I made it out all the way, he pulled at my hand. I turned back to see him hand me something dark. “What the…”

“I’m sorry.” He apologized. I realize he had my purse the whole time. “It was fun.”

“You bastard.”

“I wanted to see how long it would take for you to realize that I had it. ” I slammed his door. It wasn’t hard enough. “It was fun.” Then he drove off. That motherfucker.

I didn’t know if I was angry or not. I didn’t think I was angry. I was too drunk to even care whether or not I was feeling any type of way. Eh, at least I am home safe. My purse is with me. I have my keys. Saved me a trip through the window if it was open. I laughed to myself all the way to the door. I started to dig in for my keys when a little note fell out.

Hey. It’s Tony, your rapist. Call me sometimes. Maybe next time you can take advantage of me.

It ended with his number on the bottom of the calling card. I got in through the door and tossed the note along with my clothes to the side. I snoozed off to the comfort of my best friend, Mr. Bed.

That was the beginning of our beautiful little friendship. No, I did not end up calling him up the next day. To be honest with you, I forgot about the note until I had to store away summer clothes. The letter was swept away under the rug. Sometimes I wish that it was thrown out but that’s for later.

“What’s for breakfast, cup cake?” Tony walked out in boxers and a T-shirt.

“Dude, throw on some clothes.” I said, sipping on my now warm ass coffee.

“What? You don’t like what you see?”

“Not really.” I rolled my eyes and walked away. We still talk the way we did when we first met but the feelings in between were not as hot and heavy as it use to be. I guess people changed, seasons changed? Who knows? Maybe the passion was dead or we were just part of the old couple’s club now. We were just more ‘FRIENDS’ than we are lovers. We start the day throwing clever comebacks at one another and fall asleep angry most nights. There really is no sparks. People says it happens after you have been together for so long but I think our spark existed for no more than a year. How did we end up together for five years? That’s very much a mystery for the both of us. We don’t openly express how much we hate each other. We just dance around with glares and we know that we plot on each other mentally. I hope your day ends up bad so I can laugh at your sorrows. Moahahahaha! Yes, something along that line.

“Well,” He hissed.

“Do I look like your mother? Dude, learn to cook.” I bounced on the couch, forgetting that I had coffee in my hand. Whew. No spill.

“Yeah, you don’t look like my mom. She’s gorgeous.” Then he walked back into the room. I heard him changing again into something presentable. He came back out with keys in his hand. “I’m grabbing breakfast. Do you want any? No? Ok.” He rushed out the door. I know I was a bit rude but I normally do cook breakfast every morning for the both of us. I just got tired of catering. Tony expects a girl friend to do everything that his mother would do for him. Cook, clean, his laundry, and anything else that is appropriate between a mother and son. After we moved in together two years ago, he found out the hard way that a relationship is a two way street. I wanted him to start doing things for himself and for us as well as I was doing things for the both of us. It never happened. Time and time again, he would get more dependent on me to complete our every day task. The only thing he would chip in to help with is complain about how things were not done right.

“I should have known that if I want something done, I have to do it myself!” He would scream. Then I would tell him to “go ahead and do it yourself then! Why the fuck are you asking me if you knew that all along, you dumb fuck!”

It never ends. He’ll run to his mother’s house and then after a few hours, he would be back at home like nothing ever happen. He sweeps all his feelings under the rug the way I did his first note for me. Then when he finally does his cleaning, he would find those feelings and use it. It never ends well.